Learning: Curiosity, Discovery and New Ways of Living

For any of us who are seeking to recover from compulsive sexual behavior disorder, there are at least seven essential areas of work we can engage in that will help us live the life we’re called to live. 

The first essential is willingness, which I wrote about earlier, and the second is cultivating a discipline of learning.

Why is learning important?

God gave us brains and one of the things we can do with them is think. Learning, asking, processing, determining and reviewing are all constructive thinking activities. 

Brains—which are not the same as our souls—are fascinating things. They are fantastic worlds unto themselves. 

On the one hand our brains can be lazy, they love shortcuts; but on the other hand our brains love solving puzzles. 

When my brain is unengaged it can be lazy, drifting, reactive, like a train waiting for an engine to come pull it along. In reaction mode my brain will simply repeat behaviors according to cues, especially cues that have any kind of reward.

I can counter that tendency of brain-drift by engaging my brain with a question, story or challenge. It develops a learning energy. 

Give your brain a puzzle: here’s my problem, who else has a story about this, what is there to learn on this, can I find a resolution, a solution I want to apply? 

Do this enough and you start feeding your soul by engaging your brain in a discovery mode.

What do we need to learn?

In recovery, one of the things we need to learn about is how did we get here? Reviewing our lives and our problems, ask the question ‘what makes this make sense?’ and then go looking for answers.

What are our challenges? What makes living the life we want to live difficult to do? What is blocking us?

What are my triggers (those feelings, situations or people that make us want to hide, self-soothe or escape into our addictive behaviors)?

A good acronym for common triggers is BASSHALT: bored, anxious, shamed, stressed, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. Triggers are important to recognize because they make it hard for us to stay focused, calm and centered. 

How does addiction work? It’s useful to understand how compulsive behavior is cyclical and reinforces itself. That alone won’t resolve our addiction, but it’s essential in helping us recover.

How does recovery work? What can I do to recover? 

Learning and Reality

Learning helps us focus on what is real. Learning gives us better perspectives to see life more clearly.

M. Scott Peck wrote, “Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.” (The Road Less Traveled, p 50)

Make a Plan for Learning

Identify how you best learn. Is it reading books? Or do you learn better reading shorter pieces like blogs and articles? 

Maybe you’re an auditory learner, so podcasts, webinars and audiobooks will be good tools for you to utilize.

How do you best remember what you’ve read? Do you mark in the margins or take notes? Where do you put your notes? 

When do you review them? Good learning means reviewing. I’ve read a lot of great things and can’t remember them. So reviewing helps me move something important to a part of my brain where it’s easier to remember and apply when I need it.

We need to cultivate good sources and a routine for learning.

“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” (Psalm 51:6)

What is your next step in developing the practice of learning? tcr