Compulsive Sex Robs Us of Life
However we experience sexuality—using porn or many other ways—if we become compulsive, we are losing our lives.
What do I mean by compulsive sexuality?
When we keep returning to behaviors we’ve decided to stop, that’s compulsive.
When we make promises to ourselves to make different choices, but then return to them—ignoring that voice in our heads reminding us of what we promised ourselves—that’s compulsive.
When we suffer consequences from our sexual behaviors but then keep on that path by the same actions or move onto other ways of being sexual, that’s compulsive living.
Compulsive living robs us of real living. Rather than a full, rewarding life, compulsive sex is living marginally, in the shadows, on a reduced basis.
So, if you’ve become compulsive in your sexual life, you’re losing your grip on real life. How so?
Time spent. How much time do you spend on sex? Really think about this. How much time do you spend being sexual, watching sex, thinking about what you’ve done, what you might do or when you’ll get to be sexual again? Try actually tracking the time.
If you’re compulsive, you’re spending a lot of your time on sex. You’re spending your life. And what are you getting in return?
Diminishing returns and escalating desires. You need more and different to get the same impact. You start out watching fairly vanilla porn and in a few years you’re searching for porn that would not have interested you earlier. It’s the same with other sexual behaviors and partners. Have you seen your sexual appetites progress?
Distracted. Your mind ranges back and forth from the past to the future, but is rarely content in the present. You’re consumed with what you’ve done (either wanting more or afraid or ashamed). Or you’re scanning the future for another high. Are you distracted by sex? You’re not fully alive to the present.
Relationships always suffer when you’re compulsive. That’s because your primary relationship is with your sexuality. You are not fully available to others.
And if those four elements—time, escalation, distraction and relational loss—aren’t enough, there is financial loss, risks to health, work performance, career setbacks, family disintegration, spiritual confusion and psychic drain.
At one point in my recovery I did a serious and thoughtful calculation of how much time I had given to my addiction. What I saw was appalling. I was devastated. I will never get that time back.
I threw away a significant amount of my life. For what?
LivingIntegrated is here to help you save your life. Really live it. Not waste it.
It is you we are here for.
So, what are you willing to do to get your life back? tcr